Saturday, April 10, 2010

"I know that you can not be here."

"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings." Proverbs 25: 2

I always do this to myself. I am so reliant on people it's insane. Something goes wrong in my life and I NEED to be surrounded by people to make it better. What happened to my independence? Why can't I deal with these things on my own? Why can't I just suck it up like I've always done?

There are things happening, SO many things that I do understand. I don't know how they're for my good or why I'm being tested because of them but I know that God has a plan. I know that all of this pain I am feeling is for a reason and even if people I love unintentionally contribute to them, it's not their goal. They're not doing it on purpose. They don't mean to pour salt in my wounds. And I have to accept the fact that my problems are just that -- MY PROBLEMS -- and it is not up to ANYONE to fix them but me. I put myself in messes everyday. Only I can take myself out. Only I can rearrange and untangle everything I've discombobulated in my life. No one else should have to shoulder that. No one else but me.

So yet again, my hopes were high about something, and they got shot down. On the day following one of the hardest day of my life. But, He is still on the throne, even when I can't have everything I want. Even though my heart has been broken for three years, He is still on the throne. He is still alive. And He is still fighting for me before the Father in Heaven.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

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